30 Days of "Her Own Way"

So with the end of the school year (I made it! surprisingly enough.) I’m back to being a full-time sister. Which doesn’t help the fact that God has not rewarded me with patience for the last couple of weeks. I’m freaking out all of the time, about the stupidest things (like the fact that we always have dirty dishes), I yell a lot, and I probably don’t make Cookie feel good, either. I’m deeply ashamed of myself for being such a shitty sister lately, but my beloved child has grown to be so difficult! She doesn’t do anything I ask her to anymore. Forget rules, because now she wants to do things “her own way, not my way”. It’s like we’re in a constant battle over who has the power to say how things will work, and I’m losing every time. She’s talking back to me! My little angel gets angry at me and yells back. Which makes me even angrier, which in turn makes her angrier, which doesn’t help the situation at all. I wish things would go back to normal, you know. I honestly never minded picking her outfits, and I resent it now when we go shopping and she refuses to get the cutest ones. Should I let her dress like an old beggar? Or should I impose my will, like I’ve been trying to do with no success? Such hard choices. I realized that loving a small child is easy; they’re cute and all, they listen to you, they say how much they love you, the obey the rules and go to bed when it’s time. But loving an almost-five-year-old is freaking hard; it is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes my Cookie has to remind me to speak softly to her, and although it breaks my heart, I think: “how the hell am I supposed to stay calm and speak softly when you’re turning the whole freaking world upside down?” I haven’t come up with an answer yet.

While I don’t find the magic formula for good sisterhood, I should just pray for more patience. God knows I love her, but I foresee a long month ahead of us.